


Meditation

by impossiblesongs



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:50:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6597445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossiblesongs/pseuds/impossiblesongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an altercation Obi-Wan persuades Anakin to meditate. ( Fondness and reality of The Situation ensue.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meditation

**Author's Note:**

> **AN:** A conversation between me  & my sister while waiting for a doctor’s apt spurred this on. There is a mention of Ahsoka Tano and so I would place this somewhere before the episodes 15-on during season 4 of The Clone Wars series (in simpler terms: before the Rako Hardeen situation). As I am still quite out of depth writing for the SW universe please forgive any terminology I may have gotten wrong.  
>  **Disclaimer:** Not my characters/world, I make absolutely no profits off this. This has been a disclaimer.

“This way, Anakin.” Obi-Wan coaxed Anakin on, leading the younger man towards his own quarters rather than to the official meditation area. It would not do well for either of them if he pushed Anakin into another space filled with prying eyes. Not now. Jedi’s don’t tend to indulge in gossip but it is unlikely an altercation like the one that just took place would be kept a secret for long, especially where the Council and their opinions on Anakin were concerned.

 

The second he’d pulled Anakin away from the actuality of a possible fist fight, Obi-Wan kept a secure hold on his former Padawan. He needn’t the Force to feel the tension burning beneath Anakin’s skin. In truth, Obi-Wan is surprised he still manages to be startled at Anakin’s behavior or that he even has to intervene in Anakin’s choices, as if Anakin has no true control of himself. However that isn’t entirely fair. Anakin’s control would fail him, today of all days, as it does every year. The day he lost his mother on Tatooine. Obi-Wan can only send a silent thanks to the Force that Ahsoka is carrying out a mission in the Outer Rim with Master Plo and therefore doesn’t have to witness her Master in such a state.

 

“This won’t help me, Obi-Wan,” Anakin says. He has been protesting Obi-Wan’s suggestion every single step of the way.

 

“So sure are you?” Obi-Wan teases, getting Anakin inside and shutting the world away. For now.   

 

Anakin is quick to reply, “You know, just because you phrase things like Master Yoda doesn’t actually make you him.”

 

Obi-Wan suppresses the urge to laugh, instead focusing on the reason they are in here and motioning Anakin over to the space he’s reserved for personal meditation near the large window looking out into Coruscant. “Just take a seat, would you?”

 

Anakin does not bother to repress any of his annoyance, nostrils flaring and exhaling noisily. Thankfully he does relent to Obi-Wan’s request all the same. Near the window, Anakin crosses his arms over his chest and looks back at his former Master, “And where exactly do you expect me to sit?” He points out the bare floor, “There is no furniture here, Obi-Wan.”

 

“Hush, now,” Obi-Wan has already busied himself dragging a circular-like chair over towards Anakin, knowing it would be Anakin’s first tactic to dismiss meditation: no comfortable seating.

 

“And where will you sit?” asks Anakin, sitting.

 

“Oh, don’t you worry about little old me,” Obi-Wan positions himself, perfectly content on the floor, while Anakin reluctantly takes his lead, positioning himself and letting his eyes fall shut.

 

“This is stupid,” says Anakin, after a beat.

 

Obi-Wan does not deign to answer, choosing instead to focus on the task at hand.

 

“You know I’ve never been any good at this, Obi-Wan.” Anakin reminds him nervously.

 

Obi-Wan wants nothing less than to push Anakin into a more anxious state that he already is, but in order to get to the cusp of Anakin’s emotions he has to dive right in, so he takes the outright approach. “What exactly triggered you today, Anakin?”

 

That earns him a scoff and a biting response, “Gee, do you really want me to tell you something you already know, Obi-Wan?”

 

“Anakin,” he reprimands, then stops himself. “ _Anakin_ ,” Obi-Wan repeats, softer, pushing everything he is unable to really communicate into form in the Force, something solid and warm and full of – dare he name it love? –  and sending it Anakin’s way. That silences them both for a good while. “Oh, my old Padawan,” says Obi-Wan gently, his brow twisting with the weight of the heartache Anakin is offering him a glimpse of. The pain Anakin still carries, stitched to his skin and stubbornly refusing to let go. “My dearest friend,” comes as a whisper.

 

Anakin tenses at the soft intone, “I don’t want your pity, Obi-Wan.”

 

“Trust me,” Obi-Wan smirks, “you won’t get it. I do however wish you’d let the past stay where it belongs. You will find no peace letting it cling to every step you take forward.”

 

Anakin grows quiet, his struggle palpable in the Force. The conflict in him is strong enough to rouse the hairs on the back of Obi-Wan’s neck to stand and a shiver to go through him the more Anakin contemplates.

 

“I really do hate meditating,” Anakin says, tension still coiled tight, like a closed fist.

 

Obi-Wan wants to grin at Anakin’s obstinacy for it’s familiar and therefore comforting to hear. “Oh, but it is always such _fun_ meditating with the likes of you,” he utters.

 

Anakin does grin then. Widely. Obi-Wan can’t see it, his eyes closed and all, but he can absolutely feel it. How Anakin’s entire being floods with unburdened relief, with such a sudden joy. It is always a pleasure to lift Anakin’s burdens when he is able.

 

“We’ve had enough idling for now, Anakin.” Obi-Wan remarks seriously, though not unkindly. “You will feel more yourself when our meditation is over, I promise you that.”

 

Anakin concedes and silence truly commences. Thirty minutes into this newly found quiet and Anakin promptly starts snoring. A full hour of time goes by and Obi-Wan takes a deep, steadying breath. He remains completely motionless, eyes comfortably shut. Using the Force, two of his fingers move forward in a single swiping motion and he is rewarded by the sound of a prominent thud signaling Anakin’s body rolling right off his seated place and onto the floor.

 

When Obi-Wan opens his eyes Anakin is lying on his back sprawled on the floor, pouting.  

 

“Anakin,” he starts, but the souring of Anakin’s expression stalls him from continuing a lecture. Obi-Wan considers how tired Anakin looks, how absolutely shattered and _lost_. He seeks another approach, using a lighter tone, quieter. “Do you remember the frankly unorthodox methods I had to resort to in order to get you to meditate as a youngling?” Obi-Wan queries.

 

Anakin’s eyes soften and Obi-Wan tries not to get caught up in such an expression, though dear it is.

 

It is clear that Anakin looks back fondly on such memories, as does Obi-Wan, however they’ve long since outgrown the days where such actions were appropriate.

 

“You are a man grown, Anakin. You have a Padawan of your own and the day you will be named a Jedi Master is quickly approaching,” Obi-Wan sounds so resolute in his belief of it that Anakin’s face crumples in shame, because he’s the opposite of resolute on any matter concerning the Council.

 

He reminds Obi-Wan so strongly of that little boy he met so long ago on Tatooine just then that it’s almost impossible to hold tight all the affection he’s gathered for Anakin. It’s neither remarkable that the only time Obi-Wan’s heart deigns to speak louder than his mind is when concerning his former Padawan.

 

“We have done much together, my friend,” Obi-Wan says. “You are right. Meditation has never been your easiest task and I am no longer your Master, but must I really be prone to resort to such… _unconventional_ methods this far along?”

 

Anakin feels awash with shame at his behavior for he recognizes Obi-Wan is not inquiring to teach a lesson, he is asking for the sake of honesty. To find out what Anakin wants, what he needs. Not as a Jedi Master or a teacher, but as a friend. He damns his rashness. If only he was better at controlling his emotions, then Obi-Wan wouldn’t be looking at him so hopelessly. Disappointed, perhaps. All Anakin wants is to make Obi-Wan proud, but he can’t. He never could. Maybe he just isn’t meant to be the Jedi Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon always hoped he could be. Maybe he’s just meant to fail everyone he loves. His mother may have been an inkling of that. Maybe it’s about time he just accepted it.

 

Obi-Wan watches in silence, curiosity turning to worry once Anakin’s jaw sets, the way his former Padawan’s lips thin and set in an angry line on his solemn face. Obi-Wan knows what the answer will be before Anakin gives it.

 

“Yes, Obi-Wan.” Anakin’s eyes meet his, angered and challenging. “Perhaps you’d have to do just that.”

 

Obi-Wan sits quietly, eyes not leaving Anakin’s for a second, then he nods, decided. “Very well.”

 

The response catches Anakin off guard. He’d been expecting eyes filling quickly with dismay followed by a dismissal of some sort. Instead Obi-Wan holds his hand out for Anakin to take. Anakin eyes the hand Obi-Wan has outstretched like he’s never seen anything so odd in his entire life.

 

“We don’t really have all day, Anakin. There is a war we eventually have to get back to.”

 

Anakin blinks up at his former Master, so very humbled to see nothing but kindness and – if not understanding then – acceptance pouring out of those bright blue eyes. He takes Obi-Wan’s hand and lets Obi-Wan pull him over, positioning them both as best as was possible. It makes for an awkward task, as Anakin is much bigger now than when he was younger and he does not fit so easily in Obi-Wan’s grasp as before.

 

With his back aligned to Obi-Wan’s front and one of Obi-Wan’s arms securing around Anakin’s waist, holding him there, Obi-Wan’s other hand takes a gentle but steady grasp of Anakin’s mechanical hand. Anakin lets his eyes drift shut, exhaling and easily becoming at one with the Force.

 

Before, Obi-Wan remembers how Anakin’s head barely reached beneath his chin, so the boy would lean back and be supported by Obi-Wan’s closeness. Obi-Wan recalls being surprised by how small Anakin was as a boy. How he’d curl up there, in Obi-Wan’s arms, and find some semblance of peace. With all the chaos surrounding their daily lives Obi-Wan can only assume it humbled them both, peace being so far and in-between these days.

 

Anakin is hardly the tiny boy from Tatooine that Qui-Gon took to so strongly. The only view Obi-Wan is granted presently is of Anakin’s back, tall as he's grown and broader than he ever has been before, with Anakin's hair curling in at the nape of his neck, tickling at Obi-Wan's forehead. Holding Anakin this way, a touch that unifies and results in comfort requires a shared intimacy and ultimately trust. All is basic knowledge to what lies at the core of the bond they share and all, in truth, being an attachment that has refused to sever. Instead this entanglement of theirs grows stronger, tangling at the roots. Joined. Obi-Wan can hardly move one way without needing Anakin to lead, for he will always want to follow. Theirs is a bond the Council has never ceased to scrutinize. 

 

There really is little reason to ignore that intimacy, true intimacy, stretches farther than just the physical. It’s such an awkward position to find himself in, Obi-Wan thinks, and yet in his heart there is a  _want_ and in wanting there is something breaking inside of him, something that feels desperately messier to address.


End file.
